Bitter End of the Road

Comedy Central GIF by Workaholics - Find & Share on GIPHY

I’ve experienced a lot of emotions when it comes to television programs I’ve liked. Some shows ended too soon. Other went way after their expiration dates. A very few ended right when they should have. I don’t know where this blog ranks on the scale, because well, it was a little incomplete. If it were a subject in school, it wouldn’t have got a grade between an A and F, it would have got more of a pass or fail.

That all depends on what the readers of this blog thought. You see, two years ago or so ago, I lost my main love, Ben’s Bitter Blog for six months, to a very unlikely set of circumstances. On kind of a whim, it started that blog at work, so I decided to use my work email as the way to get into it. Then like 5 years later, I quit that job and didn’t really think about changing the email to something else before I left. I was just so glad to get out of there, I didn’t think about the consequences of my blog. Then about two years later, my email got cut off, and thus my blog, because it was no longer active. Then for some reason, I couldn’t find my yearly charge on my credit card, because somehow, my American Express bill was split in two just like my bitter heart.

So in between that time, I decided to start this new blog, but one that would cost me so much more. It was a sentimental name for my blog, Bitter Entertainment Network, which I made up early in my other blog, not only because of the name, but because the initials formed my name B.E.N. Get it? I thought it would be perfect and a way I could start monetizing. Unfortunately, only a very few of my old followers made it over here, and in the meantime, I finally found a way to get my old blog back. And when WordPress informed me that this blog was renewing at a really high price, I decided to take a pass on it.

So, short story long, I’m letting this blog go in about two weeks. This will be my last post here, so if you still want to get Bitter Entertainment News, go follow http://www.bensbitterblog.com.

Bitter Out! Ben

Mosquito Bitter Friday Giftures

 

Here at Bitter Headquarters, we’ve always prided ourselves on being bitter about things that most people aren’t talking about. Of course, lately, our giftures have been about the stupid virus and all its after-effects. Well, it is time to get back to the little things that bug us. Puns absolutely intended. As you saw in the title of this post, mosquitos are one of the little things that make me bitter. If you believe that you are too small to make someone bitter, just look at the humble, annoying mosquito.

We even have ones that don’t bite, but man do they multiple by the minute. If I was in charge of the animal kingdom, I would ban the mosquitos to live in the bottom of the ocean as they serve no purpose but to annoy. Go bug the sharks and piranhas. The only thing more annoying than the multiplying mosquitos on my front porch are possibly the Bitter Friday Giftures. But at least you can ignore them.

The power rangers…

Frustrated Power Rangers GIF
…got mosquitos stuck in their helmets.

Judge Judy annoyed by mosquitos…

judge judy facepalm GIF by Agent M Loves Gifs
…even more than her plaintiff.

Some more bugs…

terrifying GIF
…just moved into the neighborhood.

They get near me…

impure jon heder GIF
…and try to suck my blood.

I’ve said once and I’ll say it again…

get out conan obrien GIF by Team Coco

 

Worse than any gang…

Gang GIF by memecandy
…they fly around terrorizing neighborhoods.

They are unwelcome guests…

 

Season 1 Episode 3 GIF by NBC
…that weren’t invited.

They never pay rent…

the landlord baby GIF
…even though they hang out day and night.

Eating all our food…

fast food eating GIF

Using up all our electricity…

fast food lol GIF by Justin Gammon

Scaring all our guests…

scared GIF

And ruining all our…

Hazmat Suit GIF by KING OF THE ROAD
…backyard picnics.

Thanks for doing all those things mosquitos. Just so you know, you aren’t invited to any Memorial Day activities. Though I hear there a killer barbecue going on in the Hawaiian volcanoes.  Should be a pretty hot crowd there.

ARRRGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Mosquitos Die Ben

School’s Out Forever Bitter Friday Giftures

 

I remember when I was a kid when we got to May, we were all excited about the prospect of the end of May because it meant that we no longer had to go to school. There was that song that said, “Schooool’s out for the summer! School’s out forever!” But we had to wait for it. And the summer was just the right time for it.

But now this stupid virus has ruined everything. If it doesn’t go away, school might just be out forever and these kids in my house might never leave. How is that fair. I’m here trying to work from home and they are just out here bothering me all day. Can we just place them all in the school under quarantine together, so I don’t have to deal with them for a couple of months? On that bitter note, how about some Bitter Friday Giftures:

Go to school kid.

kid GIF by The Videobook

Or how about going outside?

kid moment GIF by The Videobook

Go play with a ball or something.

kid GIF by The Videobook

Go play with the dog.

dog star GIF by The Videobook

Go build a mech.

kids mechs GIF by Cheezburger

Go play with your sister.

kid memory GIF by The Videobook

Go spin in a circle.

baby kid GIF

Go break a law or something.

kidding showtime GIF by Showtime

Go climb a tree.

kids fail GIF

Go cut your own hair.

kid GIF

Go play with a box.

kids fail GIF

Go get married or something.

kid fail GIF

Go find a swing.

kids fail GIF

Whatever you do, just do it away from me.

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Get Back to School Ben

Bill Keeps Asking for all his Money Bitter Friday Giftures

 

I don’t know about you, but month after month, I keep having to pay money just to live. Like in order to live in this house, I gotta give somebody money. In order to get heat, or air, I gotta pay some money. In order to write these Bitter Friday Giftures, I have to pay WordPress, and the internet and the electricity and what else? Oh yeah, I had to pay for this computer. And every month, this Bill guy seems to get all this money.

I don’t know about you, but I kind of wish I changed by name because every month, every pays their own Bills. Maybe that is why Bill Gates gets all the money. Anyways, maybe we should just switch it up, think outside the box and start paying our Ben’s instead. Anyone with me? Raise of hands? Come on guys, a little support here?

If nothing else, we at least have our Bitter Friday Giftures…

I agree and for that…

…you should have to pay your Ben’s.

Except Danny Devito…

oh yeah money GIF by QuickBooks
…you spelled Ben wrong.

Guys, come on, get back to work…

delegating prime minister GIF by CBC
…you’ve got Ben’s to pay.

This kid knows what I’m talking about…

drake in my feelings GIF by Republic Records
…he’s trying to make the money so he can pay his Ben’s.

These guys and girls are all working it…

hard work GIF
…cause they need some Benjamin’s to pay their Ben’s.

Time to stop paying your Bill…

Bill Nye GIF
…Nye’s and start paying you Ben…Bitters.

Stop paying your Bill…

bill clinton GIF by Justin
…Clinton’s and start paying your Bitter Bens.

Stop paying your Bill…

billie eilish GIF by Virgin Radio
…ie Ellish’s and start paying your Ben eyelashes.

Yes, you can invest your hard-earned money…

happy season 3 GIF
…in the lottery, but that won’t pay the Bens.

I know it is tempting to be lazy…

lazy jim gaffigan GIF
…but that won’t help you pay the Bens.

Rise and shine sleepyheads…

Yawning Good Morning GIF
…cause if you don’t, you won’t be able to pay your Bens.

This is what I expect…

illustration arrow GIF by LINDA VAN BRUGGEN
…my Ben account to look like soon.

 

Now that we’ve established how the economy is going to work…for me, let’s start getting back to work! Those Ben’s aren’t going to pay themselves. Come on now! I hope you’ve enjoyed my TED Talk. Thank you.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

Bitter Pay Your Bens Ben

Back Pain Bitter Friday Giftures

 

I have a lot of pain, in a lot of places, all over. I guess that is the fun part of aging. Also for a lifetime of lifting things the wrong way, sleeping on horrible beds and going camping against my will when I was a kid. If only my family stayed in hotels instead of in a tent when I was younger, all these things could have been solved.

The nice thing about back pain is that you only think about it when it hurts, which is only about 100% of the time. Although you do get distracted sometimes by the pain in your neck, or in your knees, or sometimes in your shoulders. Sometimes I wonder if I was given a defective model and I should have exchanged it for a refund a long time ago. Especially if it has a lifetime warranty. Alas, just like anything I want to return, I’m too lazy or too scared to ask for a refund.

One thing you will never ask for a refund for is Bitter Friday Giftures even though they have a 0% refund if you aren’t satisfied.

I love…

infomercial movement GIF
…getting up from chairs.

Who says…

GIF by Demic
…I don’t exercise?

There’s only pain here…

team stress GIF by BasketsFX
…and one other place…everywhere.

I’m not sure why…

door fail GIF by Cheezburger
…my back hurts all the time…

Maybe I could see…

Mr Bean Thumbs Up GIF
…a doctor about it.

Because doctors…

busy fred willard GIF
…don’t seem to be very busy right now.

It’s a good thing we can just go out whenever we want…

Bored Schitts Creek GIF by CBC
…to help distract us from the pain.

It’s also helpful that we have the luxury…

Work From Home Quarantine GIF by Real Food RN
…of working from home.

It’s just so nice being able to spend time…

nicksplat GIF
…with the ones you love.

Doing activities…

Step Brothers Bedroom GIF
…that are good for your back.

Gives you all kinds of time…

think tom hanks GIF by The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
…to think.

To figure out what you…

 

doubt GIF
…want to do with your life.

Luckily, my back pain is only the beginning of all the pains I have. I love that I have all kinds of pains that just keep distracting each other from other pains.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter Pain in the Back Ben

20/20 Vision Bitter Friday Giftures

 

When I was in my early 30’s, I was still wearing glasses, as I had been since I was 17. I was growing weary of the feeling of the glasses always pinching my eyebrows and leaving me feeling tired at the end of the day. So I tried the contact lenses. Turns out I’m really bad at poking a thin piece of silicone into my eye. Needless to say, that trial fell by the wayside.

Then a miracle of my proportions happened and my mother-in-law decided that she would pay for me to get lasik surgery. I was excited and a little nervous, but the surgery was a success and I could see without glasses and my vision was 20/20. They did warn me about the future though. They said at the age of 40 myopia sets in which means, your close up vision starts to go, no matter who you are. I was fine with it then because I wasn’t 40 yet.

Now here I am at the old man age of 47 and it is finally starting to get to the point where I should be using reading glasses.

2019 was a pretty horrible year for me, with unemployment and other things causing a lot of unrest and weariness. At the end of the year, I was like, I’m finally done with all of this and decided that 2020 was going to be my year. 2020 was just starting to coming into focus and then “47” hit and now, just like most of the rest of you,  I can’t see clearly anymore.

But hey, it is Bitter Friday Gifture time, so let’s just move on to the Bitter Giftures…

Hey, at least animals…

Moneys GIF
…are making a comeback.

Ahh, the good old days…

can't see scooby-doo GIF by Head Like an Orange
…and now my near future.

I did look into it and it was a game-changer…

Edie GIF by Almost Family FOX
…until I turned old.

If you can’t find a way to get your day ruined in real life…

Animal Crossing Nintendo GIF
…you can always get it ruined in Animal Crossing.

I never envisioned my parenting…

Cat Reaction GIF by Best Friends Animal Society
…being like this, this year.

And it never seems…

morphin game of thrones got morphin arya stark GIF
…to want to leave.

Here we are just hoping this year would be a nice smooth one…

Easter Bunny Baseball GIF by MLB
…and then Corona came along and smacked us in the face.

I finally decided to lean into the year…

fail get out GIF by Action Point
…but then it decided to lean back.

Let’s just take it nice and easy…

johnny knoxville love GIF by Action Point
…and whhhhat? Never mind.

Little did we know…

living on the edge GIF
…we would be leaping into this abyss.

Or walking…

GIF by Black Market
…into this dark cave.

Let’s just hope…

world cave GIF
…there’s some of this at the end of this very long tunnel.

So there you have it. My 20/20 vision is deteriorating at a rapid pace. I have no idea how we are going to come out of this, but I do know this. We will all be a little more bitter at the end of it.

ARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Bitter 20/20 Ben

Isolation Bitter Friday Giftures

 

For so long, I’ve tried to warn the world to stay away from me. As an introvert, it’s always been my goal to keep people away, get my alone time, and just let me create. You can check back to 8 years ago when I first started this blog and see those are the facts. I tried to warn you all, but you kept going to concerts, going to large conventions and watching sports live, while I stayed home and watched stuff on TV. Even when this whole thing is over, we are supposed to stay away from each right?

You all called me weird, but now look at me being all Nostradamus now. I’m sure I’m right about a lot of things, so if you would, just go check my previous blogs to find out. (I’m too lazy to check, so I’m going to need you all to do the work). Anyway, without any more jibber-jabber, here is the Bitter Giftures of the week…

Some of us were born…

Quarantine Isolate GIF by Michael Angelo's Wonderland Beauty Parlor
…for this.

Others of us…

Corona Isolate GIF by Squirrel Monkey
…not so much.

I went outside for a walk many years ago…

Sad Pablo Escobar GIF by NETFLIX
…wasn’t for me.

There were too many…

bees GIF
…of these things around.

And these things…

public health ada eez GIF by SGVmosquito
…are kind of pests.

I think…

homer simpson eddie GIF
…I’ll pass.

While some people are…

rockos modern life nicksplat GIF
…let’s say struggling with this isolation.

Other’s of us…

video games lol GIF by Robbie Cobb
…are quite thriving.

Some people are inside…

Flip Out GIF by FIG Gymnastics
…trying to do whatever they can.

Me on the other hand…

Andelson art creative making catapult GIF
…always trying to be productive. 

Some people out there working…

Drawing Inspiration GIF by jesscoutureart
…like this.

 

Me out here…

Cat Gamer GIF
…perfecting my skills.

 

We all have to cope with things. Some people are struggling, others quite thriving actually. So while you are all trying to get the heck out of your houses, I’m just trying to get my family out, so I can thrive.

ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Isolation Ben

Thin Air Bitter Friday Giftures

 

For some reason, the anniversary of the day of your birth is always a tricky one.  All you want to do is get some nice things, maybe have a cake and spend some lovely time with your family and avoid work. What it turns out to be usually is a never-ending string of people wanting to talk to you. If you have a family like mine, it is some calls in the morning, then getting Facebook messages in the day, and then a couple of calls at night. By the time it was 10 pm, I was so exhausted answering the calls, I was ready for bed. I usually stay up until midnight. So really, I missed the last couple hours, just because people exhaust me.

Just like the air inside is getting extremely thin, with all the people being stuck inside, but yesterday, all the talking with people was making my air pretty thin too. But who cares about me anyways, right? Let’s just see some Bitter Friday Giftures amiright?

Sometimes all you need is some air…

face air GIF
…and people overwhelm you with too much.

I think this is what we all expect…

wind might boosh GIF
…when the quarantine is lifted.

But I imagine this is probably…

alycia debnam carey alicia clark GIF
…more what it will be like.

Or maybe something…

Conan Obrien Reaction GIF
…like this.

Maybe by the time we get back outside…

Twitch Reaction GIF by Hyper RPG
…the air will be so clean our lungs won’t be able to breathe it.

Who knows…

but i promise i will get to it asap GIF
…maybe everyone will be so used to staying at home bored…

Wait a minute…

 parks and rec amy poehler nightmare wait maybe this is a nightmare GIF
…that’s not good…

Then we’ll be trapped inside…

bestie relate GIF
…forever with extroverts that just want to talk…

…about…

feels rachel bilson GIF
…their feelings…

And every random thoughts…

the man from uncle GIF
…that enters their brains.

This cannot be…

kids describe GIF
…we must put a stop to this.

We all have to make…

hinata hyuga fanfiction GIF
…some sacrifices.

The thin air needs to be thickened again. People need to stop trying to talk to me. Life must be returned to normal where others gather in mass quantities, so they can do so far away from me. I need my environment returned back to me. Kids need to go back to school.  I need my space back.

ARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter Thin Air Ben

 

 

47 Reasons to Be Bitter

 

Every year since I was 40, and started this blog, I’ve been celebrating my birthday by giving you all reasons to be bitter. As a lifelong bitteratarian, I’ve always had many reasons, but 2020 has given us a plethora of new reasons. We all know that Corona and earthquakes and floods have obviously inundated us, but to those are of no interest to me. To me, it’s the little things that make us bitter that make all the difference. So without bitter adieu, here is let’s talk about 47 (one for each year of my bitterness) reasons to be bitter.

1 – Chairs – Doesn’t help with standing, not near as comfortable as laying down. chair fail GIF

2 – Windows – They are great for seeing through, not so great and not breaking when you hit a golf ball through them.

3 – Chalk – Pretty good for writing things on sidewalks or chalkboards, not so good for writing a book.

4 – Headphones – When one side stops working.

5 – Recycle sites – We tried to dump our cardboard boxes in our spring clean up, but they wouldn’t let us because we didn’t have a city ID.

6 – School ID’s – What use do they have except for taking tests or paying tuition?

7 – Shoelaces – Either they keep your feet all tied up or you are tripping over them. Never do what you want them to do.

8 – Water – Basically we are like 90% water, so that means they are probably responsible for the virus. All it’s ever done for me is keep me alive and allowed to me take a shower. So useless.

9 – The Sun – So maybe it gives us light and heat and allowed our planet to survive, but ever had a sunburn? Sheesh!

10 – Picture frames – Who wants to see old pictures of you or your kids besides you? And if I wanted to know what I looked like, I would look in the mirror.

11 – Mirror – Bad luck when you break them, and only give you a reflected view of what you look like.

cat mirror GIF

12 – Extroverts – Driving all of us introverts crazy, while we are thriving indoors.

13 – Wi-fi – Only works when you need to work, never works when you want to game.

14 – Files – You file thousands of papers, just in case. The one thing you actually needed, you shredded a long time ago.

15 – Volume – It’s always either too loud, too quiet, or you have way too much in your hair.

16 – Socks – Sometimes they get wet.

17 – Paper – The only good thing about paper is that they keep the population of trees down.

18 – Glue – Always so clingy.

Black And White Flirting GIF

19  – Curtains – Every morning you have to open them up. Every night you have to close them. Can they just do their job and open up themselves?

20 – Space – So much of it out in the universe, not so much in our neighborhood.

21 – Signs – We have a speeding sign in our neighborhood…at the end of a cul-de-sac.

22 – Clothes – They seem so overrated. Can’t we just wear some sackcloth to cover up?

23 – Facebook – Why do we need a book on our face?

24 – ZoomBombing – I’m just bitter I don’t know how to do it.

25 – Photobombing – I just wish I could do it to more people’s pictures. If only weddings were going on right now, I would try to do more weddingbombing.

26 – Work – Shouldn’t we just cancel it and tell everyone that we can just share all the money?

27 – Primary colors – Red, yellow and blue. They just think every other color revolves around them.

space earth GIF

 

28 – Puzzles – Why take a perfectly good picture, just to cut it up and turn it into a thousand different pieces? Then the picture is never the same.

29 – Email – Just heard that Nick Saban, coach of the Alabama Crimson Tide, just barely signed up for his first email account. Sheesh. Even my mom has an email address.

30 – Spam – Most of my email, also the only people that eat it live in Hawaii.

31 – Wings – Why would I work so hard to get a little bit of meat?

32 – Shrimp – The reason why they call it that, is because you work so hard to get that amount of meat.

33 – Karens – Seriously, Karen stop stocking up on all the toilet paper! It won’t save you when you don’t vaccinate your children!

34 – Homework – Why am I still doing this! I’m 47!

35 – Personal Space – I was asking people to stay at least 60 feet away from me before it was cool.

36 – Tailgating – Again, stay 6 car lengths from me at all times, before it was cool.

37 – Paper Edging – When you don’t get a clean rip. Ugggh.

38 – Soggy Carpet – Juice or soda. Can you ever get it out?

39 – Clothing – When you can’t it get it off your hanger, and break yet another hanger.

40 – Phone battery – Why is it always at 15%?phone energy GIF by darkbean

 

41 – Computers – Why does it only work when you are working on homework?

42 – Multi-tasking – Yeah, I’m good at it, but I prefer to Unitasking.

43 – Vacuum – Why aren’t they scaring more kids away from me?

44 – 44 is cool actually. It was my number in basketball and my favorite baseball player. Actually, he was injury prone. And I never made the NBA. Maybe it isn’t such a cool number.

45 – The letter Q – Freaking q. So psycho dependent on the letter U. Maybe U would like to see other letters.

tech technology GIF by Third Rail with OZY

 

46 – Websites – Shouldn’t it be websights? No one goes on vacation to see the sites.

47 – The number 47 – Seriously, is there any dumber number? Now for an entire year, I’m going to have to tell people I’m that many years old.

Until next year, when I’m finally 48 years old and have yet another 48 reasons to be bitter. Hopefully, next year we can be angry about things like not getting a $100,000 bonus instead of some stupid virus and social distancing.

ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH

Bitter 47 Years Old Ben

Home Schooling Bitter Friday Giftures

 

Most of you probably figured out on my Wednesday post that the going on a game show was a stupid April Fool’s Day joke. I blame the stupid virus thing for ruining not only the lives of millions of people around the world, the loss of millions of jobs, and wrecking economies, but also ruining my favorite holiday of the year, April Fool’s Day. Most of the normal businesses didn’t attempt to do any jokes, including one of the best, Google. Tip of the hat to you, Corona for ruining everything.

On to another sore subject. The homeschooling. We have been doing it since March and it is starting to take a toll. First of all, to all the teachers dealing with these kids, I’m so sorry. They are kind of the worst. Second, to parents the parents that are still working out of the home and still trying to manage kids, sorry as well.  And third, those with more than two kids, I can’t even. I’m just…. Anyways, I guess some teachers like my son’s 6th-grade teacher just likes punishing us with so much work, it isn’t even funny. We spend like 6-8 hours helping him, and he’s in 6th grade. Goodness, gracious. Do you know that his grades don’t even count on his permanent record? Just give him a half-hour of work and let’s just call it good. I could rant on this for hours, but who cares about that? Let’s just…Bitter Friday Gifture…

Every day after… 

tired jet lag GIF
…after completing his work.

Only to realize…

 

busy work work work GIF
…there is more, more, more!

Me at 5 pm…

swamp people work GIF
…realizing I still have work to do for my business.

I love working…

Animated GIF
…from one room to the next.

I used to come home to escape…

wandering kyle broflovski GIF by South Park
…now outside might be my escape.

I need some direction…

confused real life GIF
…could you tell me what day it is?

Am I in my house…

where am i hello GIF by Dream Corp LLC
…or are you tiny humans in my home?

Maybe it’s time…

Tyler Blackburn What GIF by Shark Week
…to abandon ship.

There are no kids…

Chasing Legendary Dudas GIF by Nickelodeon
…following us out there right?

If we hide…

illusion hiding GIF
…maybe the internet can’t find us.

And the teachers…

Work Office GIF
…can’t make us do any more work.

No more…

read beauty and the beast GIF
…reading…

No more…

parks and recreation math GIF
…math.

Next week is Spring Break…

Working The Office GIF
…so we are going to ignore our kids and work on our own jobs!

It’s going to be a long, hard rest of the school year. Whoever invented 2020 was kind of rude and I think they need to stop April fooling us!

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Bitter Home Schooling Ben